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Blog » December 2011 » Why is your relationship sometimes so hard?

December 2011

Why is your relationship sometimes so hard?

Relationships, just like life, can sometimes be very challenging. If you are in a relationship, and you are finding it a constant struggle, there may be one of three issues contributing to this (at the very least):

a. You may be arguing ineffectively, not communicating well.
b. You may be incompatible or simply have grown apart.

c. You may be in deep emotional pain from constant misunderstandings.
d. You may be over-focused on the past, on what your partner did wrong, and thinking constanly about past hurts.

While in the middle of re-building your relationship, you may be suffering, emotionally. You may be angry with your spouse, self critical, confused about your direction in life, feeling disappointed, or you may start to feel like you are drowning in a sea of doubt. and fear.

It is from this place of emotional discomort, that we humans can become motivated to create change in our lives. From the point of sadness, from the moments of despair, we can start to see some light at the end of the tunnel, and create a new life, or an improved relationship.

A saying I heard recently was this: If we didn't have the clouds, how could we appreciate the breath taking sunsets? 

It is often from our most disappointing, lowest moments in life, that we make the decision to change. Often, we can see that our relationship is too hard, and that we don't need to change our spouse, just the quality of our relationship.

I do want you to change. I WANT you to have an incredible marriage - not a mediocre marriage! I want you to have more sunsets, more happy and romantic moments, and I want you to be able to communicate and argue more effectively, so that your relationship becomes more pure, intimate and with less bumps in the road.

My Twelve Step Marriage Survival Guide will help you experience a relationship that is far easier, and less difficult. So if you feel discomfort in your relationship, be grateful. It is from this knowing, this need to change, that we can rise up and make the difference in our life - for the better.

May your love deepen daily.

Love Phoebe xx


Posted: 7/12/2011 9:29:03 PM with 5 comments

so hard
Relationships have become an extension of some sort of marriage. Many people often say “why would I ruin a perfectly good thing?” To regain intimacy in a relationship, you need to do the same thing as you do for a marriage, communicate. You need to express the feelings that you have in a nonthreatening manner. I say nonthreatening because as people are approached about intimacy, they often go on the defensive.
1/04/2012 1:12:19 PM
difficult relationships
I agree with you nightowl. Communication is one of the most important keys in a relationship. You must keep the other informed about what is going on in your life. Without this there is no relationship whatsoever. However, I think that the question is not how to regain intimacy in a relationship, but how do you keep it going. Refer to my other post for further explanation.
3/04/2012 5:03:51 PM
difficult relationships
Building Intimacy is really a broad topic to conquer. Intimacy can be determined as a lot of things. Simple things such as holding hands in the mall or cuddling in on the sofa while watching a movie are forms of intimacy in a relationship. The question is what do you consider intimacy and what do you think is building intimacy?
6/04/2012 3:20:28 PM
difficult relationships
While, its easy to keep intimacy in a relationship. A man should just lay it down. If you tell that woman what’s up from the start, she can’t say nothing. Then if you have to try and regain intimacy or renew intimacy, you can just let her butt go!
11/04/2012 10:33:22 AM
This is one of the most difficult acpsets of my own recovery. My wife had become involved with a manager at her employer after we had marital difficulties stemming from my neglect of our relationship. She initially leaned on him for emotional support but he was able to make the relationship a sexual one over time. Marital counseling was important for us as well but revealed acpsets of her affair that filled me with genuine fury toward this man. Brief interactions became unnecessary work trips during which she would spend days doing his job at conferences and meetings while he remained in the hotel watching adult films. When she returned to the hotel in the evenings he would have her reenact his favorite parts of those movies with him until late in the night. She would often return home exhausted from these trips and this put a further strain on our marriage. Finding this out and discovering her complicity in his actions while I remained at home with our first child made me angry in a way that I had never been before and I occasionally still feel that way today. To my everlasting shame I never guessed at what was happening until she told me she was carrying his child (he often refused to use protection with her). Your feelings are valid and common so do not question yourself. I too have forgiven my wife and admit I continue to feel anger and resentment toward her boss like you have mentioned. Seeing such men does make it worse and I encourage you to avoid contact if possible. I still remember going with my wife to clean out her cubicle on her last day and this man supervising her and giving her instructions as we carried her boxes to the car. I feel that he only wanted to show me that he still had control over her in some way despite the time that had passed. Do not question your emotions but know that they will last for a good amount of time as I have discovered. I wish you luck in your recovery and hope that you are finding healing as needed.
5/08/2012 12:51:43 PM
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