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Blog » January 2012 » An awesome marriage is about two people getting what they want - so start being selfish!

January 2012

An awesome marriage is about two people getting what they want - so start being selfish!

In my sessions with couples, I usually see two common things:

 

The couple needs a better:

A. Argument strategy and ...

B. A better way to communicate.

Well, this blog is not about arguing, NO, let's talk about communication.

 

What goes wrong in a marraige? Well, he stops talking, she stops asking for what she needs, she crosses her legs as the resentment builds, because she is not gettting what she needs...Then the accusations fly, as both couples talk using that bad YOU word. 'You never take me out'. 'You never listen to me'. 'You don't care about me anymore'. 'You don't make me happy anymore'. 'You never want sex anymore.'

I say, let's turn this crazy talk around - RIGHT NOW...

 

Stop saying YOU!

 

Start saying I!

 

'I am feeling lonely'. 'I need more hugs.' 'I want to make love.' 'I need to be able to have hobbies'. 'I need space'. 'I feel sad.'

HERE IT IS....MAGIC!!!

 

I NEED

 

I WANT

 

I FEEL

 

I AM

 

I WANT

Try it out, and let me know how you go. I love this. Why? Well, if you are talking from an 'i' perspective, you are not accusing your partner - you are taking responsibility for your feelings / needs / desires, so it should not cause a rift between you both.

Also, it helps you to become more focused on getting what you want. And whay shouldn't you? Marriage is meant to be FUN!!!

 

Get the most out of your relationship today  - be selfish!

 

Posted: 16/01/2012 12:56:34 PM with 2 comments


Comments
be selfish
I would have to pose the question, what do u consider 2 b intimacy? i believe that many people have opinions but know not of which they speak!!! think about it, what made u feel as though intimacy was lacking, was it u were not getting the amount of intimacy u wanted or was it that intimacy was completely missing? Intimacy can b a snuggle or sex or oral or possibly just foreplay. what u constitute 2 b intimacy n a sense could not b along the same lines that someone else may envision. either way, i believe the door swings both ways. so, if u feel as though u r not “getting enuff” then perhaps a discussion is @ hand 2 determine where things r falling short. it could b that someone has a personal issue w/their self image and sexuality, ex: gaining weight and not feeling as sexy, having job issues/stress and not feeling it or maybe there is a real underlying issue. i would say, however, that if there is a real underlying issue beyond self perception and job or familial issues, then there is a real sit down talking that needs 2 happen and some real “solutions” that need 2 b brought forth. either way, i don’t believe that it just happens overnight! b mindful, just cuz u c someone as sexy or u feel as though they shouldn’t b stressed about certain things doesn’t mean they feel the same way. talk it out and actually listen 2 each other and not just feel like u got sumthin off “your” chest and elect 2 chalk it up as “well i told them!” n hopes they understand and have no determining factor on their end which also may n turn b blocking an intimate side they r yearning 2 unleash!!!!
11/04/2012 10:53:04 AM
Ray
Hi there! I found your blog on Twitter. Following you in both places now! Nice blog.. lots of great inoomratifn. I use this site when my Hotmail acts up, and I get frustrated about not being able to check my email. LOL
5/08/2012 12:38:22 PM
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