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Blog » June 2012 » The magic of Direct Communication

June 2012

The magic of Direct Communication

When my marriage was at it's worst, I simply did not know how to ask for what I wanted. When I was angry, scared and hurt, I would say nothing. Instead, I would run out the door, slam it behind me, and drive to a nearby hill, and drink a can of UDL. While this may have brought some temporary relaxed state, this technique kept the pain and resentment very alive. 

No-one taught me how to ask for what I wanted. My parents divorced at 17, so I had no great relationship to model. I never learn't about communication at school. All I knew was to run from pain.


Now, all these years later, I sit in an office as a counsellor/author, helping my clients with their strategy. I let them know:

Direct communication is the most effective communication in a relationship.  In-direct communication only keeps tension high, and makes couples feel like they are walking on egg shells.

No-ones needs are being met when couples are filled with resentment, avoiding arguments, doing the silent treatments, storming off in bad moods, and not calmly discussing the issues.

Direct communication is a large part of healthy and happy marriages. In-direct communication is a large part of disconnected couples behavior, leading to unhappy relationships.


As mentioned in January's post, part of Direct communication is using 'I' phrases to ask for what we want and need. 


Direct communication is only a part of many skills in communication, but it is such a powerful one.

Start being more direct today, and notice the difference! 

May your love deepen more daily,


Love Phoebe xx 



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