May 2010

Survive the Affair – 10 Tips (Simplified version)

As soon as possible after an affair, you both need to act! You cannot change the past, but you can improve the future of your relationship by doing the following:

1.  Understand the reasons for the affair, and accept the affair.

2.  It takes two to tango, so accept some of blame. Most affairs stem from unfulfillment.

3.  Work on fixing the weak areas in the relationship. Use a strategy such as Honeymooners Forever.

4.  Be honest with each other. YOU need all the details, so you can deal with the huge range of emotions. Discuss the affair, and then leave it in the past.

5.  Allow time to grieve, and be kind to yourself in this very challenging time. In ways, it is like a 'death'; a death of a relationship, a concept, trust...so if you start crying in the supermarket, understand  this is normal.

6.  Work on living in ‘this moment’. Learning to let go of the past, and Focus on NOW will ensure you don't let the affair ruin your relationship, yourself or your life. MY own emotional affair was the best thing that could have happened to us at the time.

7.  For your own sake, trust again. You don't want to become obsessed. However, if you 'feel' the affair is not over, get the facts...even if you need to hire a private investigator. You simply cannot be 'walked on'; you deserve dignity.

8.  Set specific boundaries. I.e. You are NOT to have contact with him/her, none, even if your partner needs to change jobs.

9.  Forgive. Work towards forgiveness, over time, to be set free. Un-forgiveness in your heart will make you suffer.

10. Focus and visualize on a picture in your mindset of the two of you as happy again...and work towards that goal (by using the Tips in Honeymooners Forever).

* Please email phoebe@honeymoonersforever.com.au, for a FREE, full, copy of the above article to be sent to you, or if you have any questions.
 

A magical and imperative part of a relationship is using your mind. How? Well, use positive expectancy. If you expect him to be loving, caring, helpful (and you are obviously these things to him), then you have a far greater chance of improving your relationship. Relationships do not need to be confusing or complicated (although, I must say...having children is a little like that). But in marital relatiosnhips, you will be enrched by having a goal (a feel) a certain 'way' that you want to interact with your partner. Then put that thought 'out there', focus on 'the ideal couple' that you have visualized for the both of you. Work towards this visualization by being kind, considerate and caring, every day. What you give, what you put out, is what you get back...but visualizing the way you want to be as a couple, is that little extra bit of magic. I 'see' my partner and I as madly in. loving, respectful, and romantic - then I receive (from the universe) thus beautiful relationship. Visualize your ideal relationship, even if it is terrible right now. Visualizations help make an imperfect world, a little more perfect!